Past the Point of No Return
by otherside2
Summary: A short one shot look into what life was like for Christine after Eriks death. Stays very true to Leroux's story. Please read and review, kind phanatic.


In a dark underworld lair, a living specter lay in deep despair. Already he felt cold, and anyone coming upon him as he lay in his coffin would have closed the lid without a second glance. He was alone with his memories, remembering each and every second of his life with great clarity.

He knew himself for a monster, but that had never bothered him before. He looked like a monster; he was a monster. Form to function. But now he realized another part of himself he only missed now that it was gone. There was some part of him that was good, that was human, the part that a living angel had wept for. But she had taken it with her, those three weeks ago, and he would never get it back. Instead he must die, it was the only way to kill the monster that he was left alone with. Soon, it would be soon.

_"I won't change my life for you. _

_I tried to be what you want me to._

_I won't change my mind for you._

_You live with lies; I know you want me to…_

_I kill for you. _

_I kill for you…_

_I would kill, I'd die for you."_

The Comtesse de Chagny leaned back onto her chaise; to any casual observer it would appear she reclined in complete luxury, recovering from a gala the night before. She kept a perfect house, a loving husband, and two lovely children.

Yet she stared off into the distance, as if waiting for a painter to capture her in quiet tragedy. She was a marble statue, no longer the carefree girl from the corps de ballet. Feelings no longer seemed to belong to her, only to some distant memory of her.

Raouls' heart broke every time he looked at her; shattered by every distant glance his artic queen gave him. She was cold to him now, and he knew not how to thaw her chilled spirit. He had tried, gifting her with lavish clothing, expensive jewels, tender kisses and what childhood love his heart still held for her. He tried, but to no avail.

_"I won't cry my tears for you, _

_I've cried them all and maybe you have too._

_I won't try to build on your disgrace_

_I've lived with lies but they won't take the place…"_

Christine knew that what was slowly destroying her was something that Raoul could never set aright. Raoul had her heart once upon a time, so she thought. But a heart was something as it turned out that could be given to more than one, and love was a feeling that has to stand the test of time to prove true. But her real tragedy was her soul. Her soul was missing and she could not find it. It was only in memory that she could recall how it felt to sing as one, how the music had wrapped itself around her, enchanting her with its power. Then she had known her soul. So she sat, and remembered.

_"Feel my temptation, known to all that I love you. _

_Feel my hearts vibration, _

_Knowing I'll never be with you."_

They were bittersweet; the memories of that farewell kiss, where she let Erik know her feelings, feelings that were too real and confusing to put into words. She remembered how their tears mingled, the look on his face when he sent her away. It was the first time he had felt alive, and it was the very last time she remembered living. Too many years were between her and her memories, but this one has never faded.

_"I won't change my life for you. _

_I tried to be what you want me to._

_I won't change my mind for you._

_I live the life I know you want me to..."_

He had sent her away from him, she understood why. They were too different. She was a child of light, he the child of darkness. But together, had that not made the perfect match, the yin and yang of the world personified? There had to be some darkness or the world would not be balanced. Why had she not thought these thoughts back then?

It had been over too soon, not even a month had passed before he was gone. The instant of his death was when her soul had become lost to her, and her decay began. No time for second thoughts, no turning back. She had made her decision and she was the only one to blame. She would pay the price in a purgatory of her own making, for years to come.

_"I figure in your memory_

_A shadow of a life you wanted then"_

_fin_

* * *

This is my first Phanfic, and I have enjoyed writing it, it apparently vents my anger at the choice Miss Daae made. I just can't imagine her life was very comfortable after she saw Erik dead. 

The song lyrics are from "Forbidden" by Tin Omen, a nice euro industrial rock band that deserves to hit it big sometime soon.

Thank you, kind readers. A reminder that my meager writing does not make me any money, and does nothing but amuse me. Characters belong solely to Gaston Leroux and ALW.


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